I took the longest leak in my lifetime at the intermission of a musical yesterday. I thought that would be a good opening line for the Sunday Morning Chalkboard…
…and I snuck some alliteration in there to impress my high school English teacher, John Young.
When I finally zipped up my pants and turned around from the urinal, the line was fifty deep.
Do you remember that commercial in the ‘70’s with OJ Simpson running through the airport? That was me getting to the pisser at The Goodman Theater yesterday.
Let's get back to the line of anxious male theater goers in need of a good piss.
It was a smorgasbord of all makes and models.
We had curved back men with canes and walkers. Then there was the snobby North shore Wasp impatiently slumming with the common folks. We had skinny gay guys that loved hanging out in a room full of penises. There were older black gentlemen styled to jump into a set with Dizzy Gillespie. Missouri tourists standing in line sporting their jean shorts, sandals and Saint Louis Blues muscle shirts…
…and then there was the wide size Divorced Dad in his khakis, boat shoes and summer weight lounge shirt.
We had a bathroom full of heterosexuals, homosexuals, liberals, conservatives, pink guys, carmel colored guys, educated and streetwise guys , Christian guys, Jewish guys, Asian guys and Indian guys, dot not feathered.
All there to enjoy the theater on a warm summer afternoon, the Saturday matinee.
Here we have a fifteen minute break in the middle of a theatrical production. In that time, thousands of people take a piss and freshen up their faces and their cocktails. The lights flicker and everyone calmly and politely returns to their seats before the curtain rises.
Why the fuck can’t society work so proficiently?
I never thought an afternoon at the theater could be a chapter in a high school social studies book…
…but it was.
Leave your opinions at the door and come in and escape for three hours of comedy and tragedy.
Shakespeare had it right when he said, “Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more.”
We are all reflections off of the sun that live a shorter amount of time than we think. Sometimes we walk around with kindness, sometimes we walk around like jagoffs. Most of the time we are worried and uptight and then we die.
Maybe all it takes is grabbing a piss with a mix of people we don’t usually hang around?
Seeing people of different backgrounds with one common goal…
…. Take a well deserved leak, get a cocktail and get your ass back in seat 4, row H in a timely fashion.
Instead of looking at that prick in the Packers hat or that crooked nose guy in a yarmulke or the dark skinned kid in the Knicks hat turned at an angle or the shit kicking redneck in a cowboy hat…
…look for the guy that just needs to take a piss and get back to work. Because he probably has the same problems that you have.
Sunday funday looks a little cloudy and maybe a spot of raindrops.
Go be astonished and like I said to the flamboyant fella standing next to me in the toilet, “it doesn’t matter how you wiggle and dance. The last drop always falls in your pants.”
