I stayed up and watched football late last night. I had two whiskey sours and I still woke up at three-thirty on a Monday morning.
I’ve turned into my Oldman!
I don’t need an alarm clock anymore and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. If I’m not careful, I’ll be eating Grapenut cereal and drinking Sanka coffee.
I know the subject of making America great again turns off 50.1% of the country. I’m not going to make it political. I know America at one time kept the gays in the closet. It kept women out of the voting booth and the boardroom. It had “White Only” and “ No Colored” signs hanging on most everything.
Maybe it isn’t about making America great again, but make America happy again. I think there were a lot of things in the past that were great and also made us happy…
…and I miss them.
Starting with Labor Day. We need some sort of Telethon to wake up to this morning. The Jerry Lewis Telethon made America great and it brought us all together.
We need more music and less talk on the radio. Too many idiots have a microphone and shitty opinions. From sports to politics… take away their soapbox and megaphone and bring back more music programming.
I also miss barbershops. I want to get a crew cut from an old Guy who has bowling on the television and “Playboys” in the magazine rack. The barber chairs back in the day were built like Cadillacs. I sit in a barber chair today and it’s built like a fucking Nissan.
And what the fuck with this Pickleball crap?
Why can’t we have church league kickball or park district dodgeball?
People would go back to church if they knew they could get a keg and play kickball in the parking lot after 11:30 mass.
Wouldn’t it be fun to go over to the “Y” with all your fifty-something friends and wing red balls at each other’s faces?
Sign me up!
Taverns could sponsor your team. Sportsman’s Spa-Dogs against the Time Out Lounge Wild Turkeys. After the game, we all meet for beers with cotton balls stuffed in our bloody nostrils.
I’m also not sure about these bicycles with the big snow tires and little electric motors. Schwinn should make adult size Stingrays. They would sell those like hotcakes to the younger Baby Boomers and older GenXers.
My list of things that would make America great again could go forever.
I’m going to finish with a couple more things before I hang up the phone.
I want Pop served in glass bottles again. I don’t care if I have to schlep them back to Jewels when they are empty. That is a chore that I’m willing to do. I just want to enjoy that first gulp of Coke from the longneck of a cold bottle. I come from a Coca-Cola family, but those bottles of RC with the family size carryout was always a treat.
And carryout…pizza in a bag, not a box.
The last thing that would make America great again is the newspaper box next to the CTA station. While we are at it, bring back the payphone on the corner. The great American shitshow gained momentum when newspaper stands shutdown and telephone booths disappeared.
Time for me to put the chalk down and pour a bowl of Grapenuts.
Enjoy your day off, spend time with someone that says “I love you” and splurge.
Walk over to the White Hen and grab both the Trib and SunTimes. Pick up a box of Maurice Lenell pinwheels and a couple cans of KayO. You deserve it, but don’t forget one last thing….
…be astonished
