Last night I did what many dads have been doing for years. When you order a pizza for carryout and they say forty-five minutes, you leave in five.
This stunt allows you to get out of the house and have a quick cocktail at the bar. Knowing the rest of the night usually has movies with talking animals and coloring books. Followed by bath time and lullaby songs.
The Shepkids are older, so now I’m not dodging parental responsibilities, but getting twenty-minutes alone with Jumbo.
Yesterday, just before five o’clock, there were nine people at the bar. My local bar can seat about fifty.
It was me and four couples. All spread out on different sides. Allowing enough space between us to have alone time.
Couple number one was casually dressed in a blouse and dress shirt. They probably bought their outfits at Nordstrom. They were both drinking straight up martinis. They sat fairly tight to each other, appearing to be in their early fifties. They smiled, laughed and held a consistent conversation. Their kids were probably off to college and they are reinventing themselves as empty nesters. Soaking in every moment happily together.
Couple number two were dressed nicely in outfits bought at Costco or Target. They were in their early sixties. When they were sitting down, the man helped his wife get seated in her barstool before he sat down. Old school move by a man who has loved the same woman for forty years.
He ordered a fruify drink while she looked to have a cocktail in a rocks glass. It was like the bartender gave them the wrong drinks, but at that age…. You do you.
Hell… I was drinking a frothy whiskey drink in a fancy glass!
Couple three was sitting at the corner of the bar. Not next to each other, but on the angle facing each other. They were in their early thirties and looked to be newlyweds without children. She was wearing a shoulderless dress with a pixie haircut and round earrings that matched the color of her dress. She had that Molly Ringwald look to her.
Her husband was one of those last remaining hipsters, late for the party, but still holding on to the look. He had his confederate soldier beard and a summer weight flannel shirt. He was obviously drinking an IPA while Molly Ringwald was drinking a cosmopolitan.
They were younger millennials that haven’t yet developed that shared tenderness the first two couples possess.
Couple number four was sitting the closest to me. They were the only couple that weren’t married. He was in his late fifties, she was probably five, maybe ten years younger. Neither wore a wedding ring.
He had his stool pointed at an angle towards his date in an aggressive manner. She was facing forward looking at the television across the room. Their conversation seemed like a job interview, so I decided they probably met on Bumble and are just dating.
They were both drinking beers from a glass. Beer is always the easiest drink to order when first getting to know someone. Unless you are me, a Manhattan in my humble opinion is the best drink on a first date.
Four couples representing four different types of a relationship….
… and then at the end of the bar near the carryout door is a divorced dad pounding a quick drink while waiting on pizza for his family.
I sat there thinking about what I might be missing out on. My thoughts aren’t going to be chalked about this morning. Too much clutter and I don’t feel like cleaning the chalkboard erasers this early on a Saturday.
I will say that I felt comfortable being alone and not having to force a conversation. At this point I’m done with job interview dates and have settled into being the third wheel, the fifth wheel and yesterday, the ninth wheel.
I enjoyed watching shit do stuff before going home to divvy out pizza and pour pop.
One thing I don’t want to leave out from this Dad Carryout Pizza stunt. Always order your pizza “no cut.” Pizza travels better as one piece rather than twenty pieces. The pizza stays hot and the cheese doesn’t coagulate between slices. Invest in a solid pizza cutter.
More advice from Martha “JumboLove” Stewart.
Enjoy the warm September weather while you can. Today is exactly twelve and a half hours long. Shorter the days become as shadows reach longer on our path.
Be astonished and amazed today
