Driving out to work this morning, I found myself behind a lost Uber driver going twenty in a thirty. I patiently laid off of his ass and hoped he would get the fuck out of the way sooner than later.
Finally, Mr. Uber found his turn and left my life. A few blocks later, I’m going thirty five in a thirty and I have a guy up on Betty’s ass… I’m going over the speed limit and this assclown is up in Betty’s anal canal.
So I brake checked the jagoff…
The jagoff turned out to be a heavyset Latino in his late twenties. Hoping he understood the language assigned to America, I used my booming trading floor voice and said, “I don’t hate you, but I’m very upset with you! I’m going over the speed limit and you are up in my ass!”
“Why you break check me mang?”
I calmly replied, “Because you are riding my ass, I can understand you are in a hurry to your horrible life, but that isn’t my fault!”
I received a …… “Fuck you Mang!” and then Mister Miserable sped off illegally from our stop light. Quickly getting pulled over by the squad car across the street.
Poor bastard was given a lesson in humility. I drove away to my wonderful life laughing along with Betty and Plastic Jesus.
Awesome way to start the work week!
I parked Betty the Green Blazer up on the roof and watched the sunrise sparkle over Chicagoland. Definitely a great way to start the work week!
Go be astonished and spread joy to everyone…. Especially jagoffs!
