We just added another year to scroll past when we need to add a birthday to an online form.
For Christ sake, it takes ten minutes to scroll to 1966. I usually just end up being born in the late seventies or early eighties.
2023
2022
2021
2019
2018
2017
2016
2015
2014
You get the picture. If I continued this pattern, I’ll miss the rest of the morning.
We all had a decent NYE by looking at the remnants of Facebook posts from last night. I woke up this morning to a dozen text messages wishing me a Happy New Year. Even my ten year old daughter sent me a text.
I was sound asleep and missed the commotion. I celebrated the New Year at 10:37pm when I decided to pack it in. Looks like I’ll be eating both my oranges for breakfast.
How about the famous “They” from the “they say” dialogue on proving a point?
They say whatever you are doing on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s day will set the tone for the rest of the year.
So “They” are telling me I’m going to lounge around in sweats in 2024 and go to bed early every night. At least my kitchen will be clean. “They” say I’m going to wake up in the middle of the night and take a leak in 2024 and “They” say I’m going to wake up alone with a stiff………
…..neck for the rest of the year.
I always wonder who this “They” group is and what makes them so smart. Is it a think tank located in New Hampshire? Maybe a group of Monks in Cedar Falls, Iowa?
Guess what “They”……..
I didn’t wake up naked next to a stranger in an apartment in Wicker Park everyday in 1995, just because I did on January 1st, 1995.
Though I did change diapers everyday in 2007. Because I changed one just before midnight on December 31st, 2006 and I changed another one the next morning.
“They” nailed 2007, but dropped the ball on 1995. I wish “They” could help me remember who that was? I left a great pair of Mardi Gras socks and new boxers shorts at her apartment.
One thing I’m not going to do in 2024 is “do it tomorrow.” I’m going to get it over with and do it today. I’m not going to be so scared of red flags in 2024 either. I was popping red flags on almost everything in 2023.
Probably the reason I spent NYE on the couch in my sweats, I laid low in 2023 and didn’t do much. I ended up Eleanor Rigbying myself.
I am not going to begin some new approach to life today and I didn’t end anything yesterday. I’m just going to continue to be the grateful, gregarious and the magnificent son of a bitch that I’ve morphed into throughout the years.
Happy January 1st all you Chalkheads. Let’s put the smile on the sun and watch shit do stuff in 2024. Let’s pray everyday and tell the devil to fuck himself on a daily routine.
Be kind and spread love, but don’t be apologetic or feel guilty. Be boisterous when the time comes and be attentive when others are being boisterous.
If you have shit bothering you… tell someone!
If you are tired… take a nap!
If you like chocolate eclairs… get one!
If you want to sing a Gloria Gaynor song at open mic night… don’t be petrified, you will survive!
If Earth, Wind and Fire makes you want to dance… go get your groove Travolta!
If you want to wear that outfit, but have second thoughts… put it on and flaunt that fabric baby!
BUTT….. that’s how I show a big but….
….But, if you have opinions on Politics, religion, war, rights, wrongs or Chicago baseball…. Keep your mouth shut!
Opinions are like assholes and we all have the complete set. Most of the time the opinions and assholes stink to high heaven.
My predictions for 2024?
Taylor Swift will dump the tight end. Biden and Trump will not see 2025. The Pope won’t approve married priests. The Cubs and the Sox won’t be playing in the final game of the year. China will come kissing our ass, Women in Iran will burn their hijabs, African children will continue to starve, Richard Nixon will be seen in a different way historically, DC will continue it’s dysfunctional system and Julia Roberts will get a divorce and move to Riverside.
And there I go breaking the first rule for 2024!
Keep your pie hole closed John!
Tits up in ‘24
