Dear Leanne,
Whenever I hear 'six o'clock already and I was just in the middle of a dream, I was kissing Valentino by a crystal blue, Italian stream." I think of you....
"John Shepley, what do you want to do with the rest of your life?" was the question you poised to me when the markets were loud and we were naïve. I didn't have a firm answer and you continued your life making yourself better as I stood back in the chaos of bids and offers.
We continued to cross paths in the prairie that Frank Lloyd designed and the buildings near the lake. You would ask me the same question and I still didn't have the answer that you wished for. The real world moved along and our paths still ran parallel through the last years of the twentieth century.
The decade of the nineties was nearing an end and my answer to your question was starting to become more clear and more stable. We crossed paths one last time before the havoc of Y2K arose.
Your trust in me was stronger with the façade I hid behind which gave you the stability that you wanted from me. Something I did not possess the decade before and I still did not have.
We finally kissed.... we finally held each other and brightened the stars above and gave passion to time. I was given purpose and someone to thrive to satisfy and make happy. That was you Leanne..
The night finally came when we would celebrate the New Year, a new beginning. The neighbor told me you waited at the door for me as I sat alone at the pub. Smoking a cigar and drinking beer hiding from a future with you.
"Don't you have somewhere to go, someone to be with?" asked the bartender. I waited just long enough for you to drive away in shame. Angry....knowing that John Shepley still doesn't know what he wanted to do with the rest of his life.
The years passed into the twenty first century and I stumbled into a beautiful family. A family started with the next woman that asked me what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I gave her an answer that satisfied her. Our love was built on sand and gave way to the tide.
I still didn't have the answer, but I had three children that trusted and loved me. I also still lived in a world with manic Mondays and YOU.
The next time we talked you didn't ask me what I wanted to do with my life. You didn't ask me why I left you there pounding at the door while I hid. You still gave me value that I didn't deserve.
Leanne, our lives might have come together going into the next millennium, but I never had the strength to give it the chance you deserved. It was probably for the better.
I ask for your forgiveness and I will truthfully answer that I don't know what I plan on doing with the rest of my life. I do know I regret not letting you better my world when the opportunity was given to me.
I will always tingle when I think of your oval eyes and wide smile when you say my name.
You make the world a place full of song with sunny prairies and in the center is a cluster of shade trees that I lost on a cold New Years Eve...
Forever ashamed that I didn't give you the right answer, but grateful to share a moment with you. If our paths cross again and you offer a hand to hold, I will hold it tight and never let go.
I hope someday to walk into the auditorium that your voice fills with song.
John Shepley
