What do we expect today? Earthquakes? Birds and Snakes? Lenny Bruce?
Many of you Chalkheads know how much I dig the sun and the moon. Every morning I tell you what time the sun comes up and when it goes down. I keep everyone in the know when it comes to the next Full Moon and what each month’s moon is called. April is the Pink Moon by the way.
I took a look at my horoscope already this morning. Today the solar eclipse is at the top of my chart. Which means I have a clearer vision of the direction that I want to take in the future.
Suddenly the moon passes in front of something four hundred times its size….
…and I have a clearer view of my future!
Some experts are claiming that this eclipse is a sign from God. There are fears that WWIII will start today. If not a world war, we will have a civil war break out. Biden’s Zombie Warriors against Trump’s nazi Stormtroopers.
(Note to my editor; I don’t capitalize nazi. So don’t edit it)
I’m going to get into Betty and go to work. After work I’m going to Costco to pick up some things that we need.
Eggs, apples, sundried tomatoes, yogurt, coffee beans and body wash.
I figure the joint will be empty when I go. Someday when my grandchildren ask me where I was during the “Eclipse of ‘24,” I can tell them I was buying Uncle George body wash at Costco.
So what I’m telling you is….
… I don’t give two shits about the eclipse today. I’m just praying my kids don’t look at the fucking thing without their official “Eclipse24” glasses.
If anything changes after this eclipse…. I’d like to see the White Sox finally win a second game. I’d like Purdue to win the basketball game tonight. It would be nice if my arthritis went away. Maybe the moon blocking the sun will lower gas prices but most importantly….
…. I’d like to have a better relationship with my ex wife. I’d like to finally lose my freshman fifty and free cable television would be fantastic.
Go be astonished today and let’s hope the smile is still on the sun when it goes down this evening.
…and like Rodney Dangerfield said at the end of that golf movie,
“Hey everybody…. We’re all gonna get laid!”
