September 18th, 2022

 Sitting here on my balcony with a light breeze and an overcast sky. It is the last Sunday of Summer and the leaves are showing their wear and tear.

Last week I took out the worn out summer annuals and replaced them with mums and autumnal colors. Maybe a silver lining is this longer summer into October? It gives me a second crop of flowers for the JumboBalcony.

I made my coffee in a French press this morning. So I’m a fancy fuck sitting up here throwing nuts at squirrels.

Tonight the Chicago Bears meet the Greenbay Packers up in Lambeau Field. I use to hate the Packers, but with wear and tear on me through the years I can give two shits.

But still….. Go Bears!

You’d be surprised how many Packer families live in Chicagoland. My dad always said they are the remnants of the old Chicago Cardinals. Old man Halas ran the Cardinals out of town after the 1959 Season. Since the Bears were the only team in town the Cardinal fans switch allegiance to the Packers. That’s how much Halas was hated.

My dad grew up a Cardinal football fan, but by the time I showed up he gave two shits. He did root for the Baltimore Colts as well. Seems like Don Shepley is the common denominator for teams that leave their original homes.

The Bears are a horseshit organization run by a dysfunctional family. The only thing that keeps me emotionally tied are the memories of Dick Butkus and Walter Payton.

So I guess I’m living in the past!

Enjoy your Sunday Funday and sing it loud, sing it proud……

Bear down, Chicago Bears

Make every play clear the way to victory!

Bear down, Chicago Bears

Put up a fight with a might so fearlessly

We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation

With your 'T' formation

Bear down, Chicago Bears

And let 'em know why you're wearing the crown

You're the pride and joy of Illinois

Chicago Bears, bear down!

September 17th, 2022

        Is it a home or just a place to live? Was it just a job or a solid career? Was love an action or just a word?

There are days in life that I failed, days when I got beat, days when I didn’t meet expectations and days that I sabotaged myself.

That doesn’t mean that I have failed in life. That doesn’t mean that I’m not successful and I don’t need to lower my expectations to define my success.

Monday morning I will watch the Queens funeral and Monday afternoon I will attend a wake for a dear friends father. Both of them ended up in the same place. Both of them died leaving a successful legacy.

I sat at a breakfast table with my dad when I first started on the trading floor. I was a runner for Index Futures. I told him I was going to make a ton of money trading soybeans and treasury bonds. I will drive a brand new car and he will get a new Cadillac. I’ll have a beautiful house and a gorgeous wife.

My dad didn’t know who the Talking Heads were, but he wiped the egg from his mouth and closely quoted David Byrne.

“Oh yeah son… how will you get there?

My dad had a pretty good idea back then in the diner how successful his son would turn out.

“Let me tell you something Moose. All those people standing on your trading floor are blue collar people! All of them!”

He was right and all those blue collar jobs are gone.

I don’t have a beautiful house, but I’ve made a comfortable home. I drive a twenty five year old truck that gets me to where I’m going. The beautiful wife was an illusion that gave me three beautiful children.

And the job? I never made the millions trading beans and bonds, but I outlasted 98% of the people that tried. I sandwiched a wonderful career between Index Futures and Futures International.

So on the day I go to the place where Don Shepley, Mickey Ryan and her majesty, The Queen are staying…. I’ll have defined my success.

I worked my dick off, used my heart with full capacity and found warmth where I hung my coat and laid my head.

It’s Monte Cristo Day… the best ones are always found at the counter of a busy diner.

It’s the last weekend of summer so go do summer stuff before the cold dark days of winter set in and all the traffic detours are gone.

And yeah, you learned this week that my mom called me Pumpkinhead and my Oldman called me Moose… the rest of you can stick with Shep, Jumbo or Secret Lover.

September 16th, 2022

 I’m not really sure when I finally became an adult. I always say I wasn’t a man until the day I met George Shepley, but when I became an adult…. I don’t know.

I was around twenty six when someone younger called me sir. I was at Gossage Grill early in the morning with the guys. We went to the bars earlier and stopped for a late night cheeseburger.

A group of younger kids came in behind us…. “Pardon me sir, is someone sitting here?”

Sir?

Boy that made me feel old… at the ripe age of twenty six.

It’s crazy how tall my dad and all his colleagues were in 1971 and by 1991 I was having martinis with all those little fellas.

Overnight I went from hiding under the dining room table listening to railroad stories to sitting at the dining room table telling railroad guys all my Board of Trade stories.

Life is a beautiful journey…. I miss all those family friends that I called Uncle. Now I’m the family friend called uncle.

Yesterday was the last 7:00pm sunset until next March. It will be a Saturday and you might be hungover. It’s the day after Saint Patrick’s Day. At least the Irish can celebrate on a Friday night next year.

So go buy some logs for the fire pit. It’s gonna be a long cold winter.

However this weekend will be warm so don’t put the GoldBond away just yet. Enjoy the middle of September while we have sunsets after 6:00pm.

September 15th, 2022

     I received several texts about yesterday’s chalkboard. Curiosity about Angel numbers, cigarette smoke and my mom tucking me in from heaven.

Simple answer…..

I can’t grieve the loss of my parents if I don’t miss them. I can’t get sad that they are gone if they are always around.

Maybe my mom isn’t there to put butter and jelly on my toast, but I’ll always have the memory of her telling me,

“You need to learn how to do this Pumpkinhead! Mommy won’t always be around to do it for you!”

My dad doesn’t take me on Saturday morning errands anymore, but he’s sitting in Betty the Blazer with me when I’m running mine.

At the end of their lives my dad ended up in Pittsburgh and my mom was living in Indianapolis.

My dad was 460 miles away from his front porch in Oak Park. My mom had mile marker 222 on I-65 and 184 miles between her and her Pumpkinhead.

Yeah…. That’s funny isn’t it? Pumpkinhead! Well she gave birth to me so she has that right….

Anyway…….

You’d think heaven is further than four hundred and sixty miles or one hundred and eighty four miles…

It isn’t…..

Heaven is as close as a prayer or a memory.

And that’s how a divorced dad deals with the death of his parents!

We all deal with grief differently… I don’t have time to deal with it. So Don and Cecilia visit me on a daily basis.

I would appreciate if they could tamper with the stop lights when I’m driving to work in the morning.

That’s something they haven’t perfected yet, but every once in awhile I’ll get five or six green lights in a row and know mom and dad are near.

September 14th, 2022

 I woke up this morning at 2:22 to the smell of a cigarette. My mom is like clock work. She came by to let me know everything is good.

I’ve erased three of these next paragraphs and I’m a man of few words this morning.

Maybe that’s why my mom came down from heaven….

.....be a man of action and less words today.

So enjoy a gorgeous Humpday… it will be a perfect day in Chicagoland. Seven o’clock sunsets are nearing their end for this year. They’ll be back next spring….

September 13th, 2022

 I got another hateful text just before bedtime last night. I can’t fathom what goes through this person’s soul and heart to regard me with such disgust.

At first I would reply back with a volley of hate that outgunned whatever I had received. I worked on a trading floor. I was trained to deliver a destructive saying quickly and efficiently.

Before Don Shepley died I promised him I’d be a better ex husband. Last year John Wagner insisted that I forgive and work harder at being the stronger person.

I’ve been a man of my word.

The one thing I’ve decided is to reply in Shakespearean. I will bring out my inner Keats and Percy Bysshe and occasional Twain in response.

Last night when I turned off the light I looked out the window. I saw the bright moon that just came off the weekend being full. I thought about people that I love looking at the same moon somewhere else. People who aren’t with me, but can see the same thing I’m looking at right now and that made me happy.

The person who hates me doesn’t have the same eye. She can’t look out and see the glory in the moon.

That’s sad.

If you don’t possess goodness you can’t see the beauty around you. Hate keeps the blinds shut and consumes your heart.

So the next time I receive the spew of hate I will not reply and intensify her pain.

I will be like Billy Shakes….

“Out, out, brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.”

But for the record, matter lives dumbass… I mean Dumbass lives matter.

(This blog is a therapeutic tool for a divorced dad who worked on a trading floor. Not all posts will be shits and giggles. Sometimes you need to approach the painful parts in daily life.)

September 12th, 2022

 Saturday I told you to live like it’s the last day of your life. Everyday should be treated like it’s your September 10th.

Today is your September 12th. This was the day twenty one years ago that brought a nation together.

We prayed together, cried together, did shots together and we lifted each other upward. There was an eagerness to throw down our differences and pick up a shovel and dig out.

Live everyday like it’s September 10th and keep the spirit of September 12th in your heart. Sandwich the grief with love from the 10th and togetherness from the 12th.

A year ago today heaven was filled with the soul of Wags…. Not a day has passed without being WAGStrong….. he had the opportunity to die before he died.

Yes, you read that correctly….

When he came back from the first death he brought back a deeper love of the Holy Spirit. He told us all that the Holy Spirit demands of us to forgive each other.

Powerful message and a gift from God. In life and in death John Wagner was a gift. Always stay WAGStrong and try hard to forgive the assholes in your life.

Yes….. even the one from Hensdale.

It’s a dreary Autumnal Monday… a win is a win and the Bears pulled one out of their backside.

Pay forward with the Spirit of the 12th today…….

September 11th, 2022

 I was watching a movie recently that had a character that was dying. Over and over I’m hearing “he only has days to live” again “he only has days to live.”

I sat there watching this guy who had “only days left to live” and thought….days left? That’s all we really do have!

DAYS….

Now you’re thinking, “Jeez, Shepley you’ve been in a dark period these last few posts!”

Last week when the Queen died she completed 35,204 days. Twenty one years ago today a guy I knew died on his 12,102 day.

So an Irish kid from Brooklyn lived 33 years and The Queen of England 96 years.

This morning I woke up on my 20,506 day. I wouldn’t mind kicking out another 10,000.

My point this morning isn’t for you to wake up with Debbie Downer. I’m just trying to put a different look at living life.

I’m probably going to be talking about life and death matters on Monday as well. Tomorrow is the first death anniversary of someone who stuck around for 20,735 days.

WAGS

Like Don Shepley always said, “Work your ass off son, enjoy the solemn time, trudge through the dark times and try not to be an asshole!”

So that’s all I’m trying to do with these precious days that I have left.

….And maybe try different ice cream flavors from time to time.

Bear Down Bear fans! Be a Grabowski’s today! Cherish the days left that the Bears play on the lake.

It’s been 13,377 day since SuperBowlXX….

September 10th, 2022

 The quote today is from Elizabeth the Great from her speech after the Islamic terrorist attacks on 9/11.

Today is September 10th… September 10th was the last full day for over 3,000 people twenty one years ago.

None of them knowing it was their last day.

I went to work on that Monday and played softball that night at Ridgeland Commons with my Wild Turkeys.

None of us know when our September 10th will be. We might not know when it will be, but we have an idea what we will be doing that day.

How? Just

Do what you do!

Do what you love everyday. Don’t skip a day…. If you are doing what you love… where you love… with those you love.

When your September 10th arrives those left to grieve will say you were doing what you do best…..Love!

Alright… no more sappy shit! Go out and give in to small temptations!

Go to the bakery and get a cannoli. Stop in the cigar shop. Buy that new purse or pair of shoes. Get a beer at the tavern. Grab your lover and listen to Starland Vocal Band.

You Be You, because it’s September 10th. Live everyday like September 10th.

Take the dogs for a walk in Park Slope Brooklyn and tuck your family in for the night. Because that’s what you loved to do OB… and that’s what OB did on his September 10th…

September 9th, 2022

       Yesterday was the end of the Second Elizabethan Era.

So I dug into her deep vault of quotes and pulled out one fitting for the period we are currently living in.

When I was writing her quote on the chalkboard I was thinking about my father. The Queen of England and a Railroad Draftsman/mechanical engineer ended up in the same place.

In fact I can see my dad having breakfast with the queen on a regular basis.

When the Queen has her first visit with Sir Winston Churchill he will say, “Welcome to Eternal Rest your majesty. When you have the time I would like to introduce you to a dear friend, an American by the name of Donald Shepley.”

….And that will be the beginning of the eternal friendship between Don and Lilibet.

I can see my dad telling the Queen how to put her clotted cream and jam on her scone already.

The point I’m making here is that we all end up together in heaven. From street people to CEO’s. From Jews to Christians. Dark skin and light skin. The Royal Family and The Shepley family.

We all struggle together for a better future. We might as well band together while we are struggling so we can enjoy eternal rest together.

Because what I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older… everyone around me dies. Sooner than later….

For the rest of my life I have the queen dying on September 8th, Jimmy O’Brien dying on September 11th and John Wagner dying on September 12th.

Three death anniversary that I will morn until I create my own death anniversary….

….and on that day I’ll have a cocktail with Don Shepley, OB, Wags and Elizabeth.

Pretty cool thing to look forward to.

I didn’t have room for Friday’s sunrise and sunset this morning on the chalkboard.

The sun will start to shine across Lake Michigan at 6:25 this morning and will set over the western suburbs at 7:10.

Enjoy the temptations that the weekend brings… Go Bears!

September 8th, 2022

    Not much left to be tempted by these days. Yellow lights are always tempting. Cookies are tempting. A glass of bourbon or a cigar.

Free tickets to a Sox game aren’t tempting at this point in the season. Booty calls at 12:42am aren’t tempting with George down the hall and out of town job offers aren’t tempting when you do what you love at a place that you love.

I’m sitting here at 4:00am earwormed with that Squeeze song. You know the one I’m thinking about ! ? ! ?

The temptation of pulling out the crockpot this weekend is huge. Bears kickoff the season and slow cooked meat is calling my name.

Live a little this weekend and flirt with temptation and if it’s a good one…. Call me. I might be tempted to join you……

September 7th, 2022

 I have some hindsight now after five years away from marriage. The biggest weakness that I brought to the table was immaturity.

It is a big flaw to admit because it holds you back in all areas in your life. Education, career, relationships….

I look even further in life and I’ll go forty five years to the possible culprit. My parents divorce.

My dad once told me that was when he saw me change. That was when the Altar Boy became a little prick… in his own words.

Due to Don and Cecilia’s failed marriage I changed Catholic Grade Schools several times. I was always jealous of my friends that went to the same school all eight years.

As I got older I realized how

lucky that I was to have met three different groups of friends from three different places.

Fourth and Fifth grade I found myself at Saint Francis de Sales on the Eastside. Long story how we ended up there.

I buddied with a kid named Paul. It was right after my parents divorced. During the thirty months we lived on Avenue E the Cypher family held my fragile hand.

A hard working steel mill family let me eat dinner, sleep over and watch television at their home. They comforted me during that first period of instability in my young life.

Mr. Cypher went to heaven recently and today’s quote was something he said to his family often. It was used in his eulogy.

It just goes to show you how we can touch someone’s life and make it better. In a two year span nearly forty five years ago a family in the parish lent my mom a hand.

That’s the good in the world. RIP Cyph!

Back to the immaturity…. Too late to change. I go to work, I raise my family, I help my friends and I fuck around too much.

I’m your friend with the “I Hot Mom’s” sticker on a 1997 Chevy Blazer. Everyone needs a guy like me!

Drink a cold beer today… it’s allowed!

September 6th, 2022

 I always had time to kill after the close when I worked on the trading floor downtown.

It was easier to get 10,000 steps a day in when you can walk out of the front door at 141 West Jackson.

Today would be the day I’d make sure I had my “Four Seasons” CD in my discman. I’d walk over to Buckingham Fountain and listen to a little Tony V and watch Chicago breath.

I had a regular destination throughout my career downtown as well. The stand up bar at Berghoffs, a Tom and Jerry at Millers Pub, a bowl of gumbo at Heaven on Seven or an Old Style and a double cheeseburger at BillyGoat.

Don’t get me wrong… I love getting in Betty the Blazer and being home in twenty minutes. Shopping malls, chain restaurants and theme bars just don’t compare to the Monadnock building or the Rookery.

Hell….I’d even take the Thompson Center over Restoration Hardware.

I guess it’s the passage of life. When you’re in your thirties you can pound five martinis and have a cigar by the time the office people get off work.

“Oh My God! It’s five thirty and all those Board of Trade guys are hammered!”

I’m in my fifties and by 5:30 I’ve watched Jeopardy, taken a nap, finished dinner and cleaned the kitchen.

It’s a new week… the first week of September. The Bears open up on Sunday and it’s two for Tuesday.

It’s a great afternoon to walk down the DesPlaines river and listen to Vivaldi. Stop in the James Joyce for a beer or LaBarra for a cocktail.

George can always “Find my Dad” on his iPhone. He’s like his mother… all I need to do is bring a pizza home by five thirty.

September 5th, 2022

 “Nobody on the road

Nobody on the beach

I feel it in the air

The summer's out of reach

Empty lake, empty streets

The sun goes down alone

I'm driving by your house

Though I know you're not home.”

Cue the Don Henley, it is Labor Day and the days are getting shorter.

I never could understand why Don Henley was so upset about the summer being over, but it wasn’t the summer. It was the tail he was getting that summer.

Maybe she went back to school or moved away to Portland?

Autumn tail is more fun anyway and you get football…

And why in the hell would you put a deadhead sticker on a Cadillac? Though my stepmother wanted to put a Mondale sticker on my dad’s Cadillac in 1984. So things can be worse.

Anyway….. you are earwormed with a great song this morning and yet the boys of summer are still around.

They are around on the Southside torturing their fans with the ultimate letdown. Probably similar to the girl driving around with the top down wearing Wayfarers.

Move along White Sox fans, move along lost love.

What is a good theme song for Autumn?

What comes to mind?

When I think of the fall the first thing I hear is marching band music.

I hear college fight songs! I hear Keith Jackson saying, “Whoa Nellie” and “he’s only a soph o more!”

It is Tailgate season baby, fire pit season, rake the leaves season, sweatshirt season…. It’s time to listen to the little voice inside your head saying, "Don't look back. You can never look back"

The Summer has a fork sticking in its side. No more boobies and bikinis, but something that uses more imagination… the sweater breast!

Write a song about that Mr Henley!

September 4th, 2022

 The flowers on my balcony are tired and weak. Soon their pots will be stacked to the side for the winter darkness.

Yesterday morning George pointed out to me how fast this summer was. Someday I hope I’m around to hear it when he realizes how fast years go by.

If I take really good care of myself I might be able to hear him say,

“Unbelievable how fast the 2040’s flew by!”

Yesterday the boys went to get haircuts and lunch with their grandfather from Hensdale. So Hazel and I went off to find a pet snail.

Yeah, that’s right…. A pet snail.

Just to let you know PetCo and PetSmart don’t carry the MFer’s! So the drama and the meltdown collided in the near Western suburbs of Chicagoland.

“Well can we at least go to McDonalds for lunch?”

This is when I wished I was the kid in the seat and my dad was driving. He’d drive us straight to Gossage Grill. Unfortunately he’s in heaven and Gossage is a taco stand.

I drove to the next best Don Shepley joint…. Parkys on Harlem!

“I don’t want to go here! You’re the worst dad ever!”

I parked the car and dragged the Princess inside for a hotdog. I ordered my hotdog the proper way and I embarrassedly ordered a hot dog for Hazel.

Needless to say I wasn’t an asshole anymore as her majesty bit into the royal hotdog.

Someday Hazel will realize how quickly seasons and years and even decades move along.

I just hope she realizes how hard it was for me to order a hotdog with ketchup on it when she was a kid.

But that’s what dads do for their kids… we sometimes have to break the rules.

Hard to believe tomorrow is already Labor Day. All the things I worried about around the Fourth of July have vanished. So I’m sure the crap bothering me today will be alleviated by Thanksgiving.

Enjoy your Sunday…. Might have to make some Jumbolaya for the Bayou Bengals game tonight!

September 3rd, 2022

 This was the Saturday we all got up early to prepare for the new lineup of cartoons.

“Where are you going with my TV guide and that pen son?”

I’m not the only one that would circle what cartoons to watch. We all did it!!!

All we had was channel 2, 5 and 7 back then for cartoons, but that’s all we needed.

The old cartoons from before we were born were on between 6:30 and 8:00am. Then the schedule planning began. From 8:00 until 11:00am the prime time of cartoons.

Those were the days!

Bowl of cereal followed by another bowl of cereal and if I was lucky my dad bought Entenmann’s at White Hen while I was plotting my cartoon schedule.

After three hours of Scooby, Hong Kong Phooey, Super Heroes and Josie and the Pussycats I’d roll right into Soul Train at 11:00am on channel 9.

That five year time span back in the mid 1970’s was magical.

We are never too old to watch cartoons…. Grab your blanko, your pillow and get ready…. “SpeedBuggy” starts in five minutes.

September 2nd, 2022

     I always thought if I could take a time machine I’d go back to when I was twelve.

Summer before 7th grade… start changing things around during that time in my life. Then things would have been better.

BULLCRAP!

You get the hand you’re dealt with and those are the cards you have to play.

I really should go back even further and just rearrange the whole Ancestry dot com family tree. That would stir things up!

Ah Fuck it!

I know my relationship with God. I have beautiful children and a helluva group of friends.

FOUNDATION: FAITH, FAMILY and FRIENDS.

I drive a 1997 Chevy Blazer with a “I Hot Moms” bumper sticker to a job that I love in an industry I’ve been in since the 1980’s. An industry that changed course and my sails were positioned perfectly.

So I’ll pass on the time machine and go with the uncertainty of the future because the past is the past.

Labor Day weekend! Football, fun and food… turn the page from Summer of ‘22 into the Autumn of ‘22 and let’s get it on….

September 1st, 2022

 The ‘ber is on…. We are officially in the ‘ber. September, October, November and December. When it’s all said and done we will be sitting in 2023.

This has always been my favorite part of the year for many reasons. Too many to list.

I woke up earlier than usual because I had to pee. When I laid back down I thought about being the old guy getting up to go pee.

“I’m in the ‘ber months of life!”

Ah what the hell! It’s going to be a gorgeous summer day today!

Enjoy!

August 31st, 2022

 The sunset followed immediately by the crescent moon setting early was a fine ending for Tuesday.

The angles and the path of the sun and the moon are the constant thing we have in life. Everything else is a chapter and an era.

We have our friends, our parents and our children during periods in our lives, but the sun and the moon are there every day from the moment we arrive.... until the moment we leave!

If you can't see the sun and it's angles or the moon and it's shadows... you can't see life.

August is ending in a beautiful fashion. Make sure to eat lunch and or dinner outside today. Tomorrow is the first day of the ‘ber months. Enjoy the sun during these next few months of shadow stretching….

August 30th, 2022

 The one thing I miss about Labor Day weekend is the “Jerry Lewis MD Telethon.” I loved seeing how late I could stay up with my mom and watch the ticker go up on donations.

This one show every early September showed how we can come together and defeat this ugly disease. It gave people hope which gave a chubby little kid hope.

I’d grab a blanket and a couple pillows and my mom would make popcorn and I’d be asleep by 10:30pm. Occasionally waking up and seeing my mommy on the couch watching Sammy Davis singing.

Waking up at breakfast and asking my Ma what the money total climbed to.

Labor Day weekend… it closes one season and opens another. We go from Sox and Cubs to Bears and Blackhawks….

It is going to be a glorious Tuesday…. Sunny and Eighty!

Two For Tuesday