The women in the AARP commercials have recently become attractive to me. I want to retire and plant gardens with them.
The other night I was watching an episode of Gilligan's Island and, after all these years, realized just how hot Mrs. Howell was.
When I was a boy, I had a crush on Mary Ann. Then puberty arrived, Ginger Grant took over, and suddenly my heart, and a few other body parts belonged to her.
Now that I have reached this stage of life, I find myself wanting to chase "Lovey" Howell to the other side of the island.
Unfortunately for me, she is happily married to Thurston Howell III.
The other day I read that the youngest member of The Wonder Years cast recently turned fifty.
Kevin Arnold has now joined Winnie Cooper and Paul Pfeiffer as fifty-somethings.
Kids born in the 1970’s are in their fifties. Kids born in the 1960’s are in their sixties. Those smart-ass toddlers born in the 1980’s are pushing forty-five, and those cute babies born during the Clinton administration are now in their thirties.
I think you Chalkheads have realized that my recent theme has been about getting older.
The sand running through the hourglass has made me think a lot more about time…
...and how not to waste it.
A few weeks ago, I looked at the app on my phone that tracks screen time. It showed me exactly where I was throwing away precious hours… social media.
So, I deleted every social media app from my phone.
I was still sneaking onto Facebook from my desktop though. After an eighteen-year relationship, I finally ended it for good.
No more counting likes. No more mindlessly watching Facebook videos. No more getting disgusted with political opinions.
The next step was deleting all the game shortcuts from my web browser. Solitaire, chess, Sudoku and checkers...gone.
It has even come to the point when I wake up with morning wood, I don't spend time admiring it. I watch it go away as I quickly run to the coffee pot.
Next on the chopping block will probably be YouTube TV and Netflix.
I am not giving up the things that actually feed my soul.
I will still
spend time reading a chapter every morning before I chalk. I will still watch the sunrise and sunset. I will still sit
with a cigar and a bourbon. I will still listen to the Sox on my radio. I will still make pizza and pancakes for the Shepkids.
Though I should probably spend a little more time
on conference calls to Heaven.
Maybe I will finally learn to play that blues harmonica or the ukulele I bought myself after the divorce.
I guess I have finally accepted that Winnie Cooper has kids in college now. Mrs. Howell is never going to let me massage her bunions.
And somewhere along the way...
…I have finally become my Oldman.
Tonight I am heading over to Fitzgerald's to see Los Lobos.
It will be my first visit to that legendary little club on 12th street as a sixty-something.
When I was twenty-something, I would look across the room at the old guy listening to The Iguanas and wonder, "What is the old timer doing here?"
Now I know. He is there because the music never got old and neither did he. He knew what was worth spending his time on.
Astonishment and gusto, you gorgeous Chalkheads. Don't waste time today.
Maybe I will finally learn to play that blues harmonica or the ukulele I bought myself after the divorce.
I guess I have finally accepted that Winnie Cooper has kids in college now. Mrs. Howell is never going to let me massage her bunions.
And somewhere along the way...
…I have finally become my Oldman.
Tonight I am heading over to Fitzgerald's to see Los Lobos.
It will be my first visit to that legendary little club on 12th street as a sixty-something.
When I was twenty-something, I would look across the room at the old guy listening to The Iguanas and wonder, "What is the old timer doing here?"
Now I know. He is there because the music never got old and neither did he. He knew what was worth spending his time on.
Astonishment and gusto, you gorgeous Chalkheads. Don't waste time today.
