I watched my first Christmas movie of the season, “Love Actually” and played the first Christmas song as well. I didn’t go with any of the classic crooners like Bing, Nat Cole, Frank or Tony Bennett. I went with the raw and controversial “Fairytale of New York” by The Pogues.
It’s not Frosty or Rudolph, but very Christmasy in its own way. I get all pumped up for the holidays when I hear…. “You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I heard something very similar during the Christmas of 2016. My final Christmas with a wife.
She was handing Christmas presents out to everyone. She handed both her father and me a Christmas liquor bag with colorful paper stuffed around the top of the bottle. It wasn’t a skinny wine bag, but a heavy one that fit a bottle with a handle. Something that would last well into the new year.
The kids all opened their gifts and my FIL and I still hadn’t unveiled the bottles of booze yet. We both reached into our Christmas bags and quickly pulled them out.
To my delight I unmasked a large bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue. A rare blend that is very expensive. Something I would have never bought for myself. My FIL pulled a bottle of Jack Daniels out of his bag.
Immediately my MIL nipped at her daughter that she gave us the wrong bags. Without hesitation my future ex wife corrected her mistake and the bottle of Jack ended up going home with me. It barely made it into 2017.
For many years I held a strong resentment towards everyone involved in that scene. The nonchalant recovery of switching the bottles burned inside my memory.
On the trading floor we would have called that an out trade. When you have a “OutTrade,” you have an error that you take responsibility for. In my experience I would have been leaving with a bottle of scotch and not a bottle of Tennessee whiskey.
My marriage was falling apart, The tension was unbearable, I was bitter over the bottle fiasco and George Michael died suddenly that day.
Time has gone by quickly and I’ve realized how petty my resentment was. It was inevitable that I was spending the last Christmas with a wife. That bottle of Jack Daniels wasn’t the reason my marriage was failing.
And my in laws were always very generous. I would have loved that bottle of Jack if the bottle of Johnnie wasn’t torn from my hands. Ripped so quickly that Christmas ornaments jingled on the tree as the bottles changed ownership.
That was our last Christmas together and this will be the first Christmas without Ed. That amplifies how petty we can be. Christmas comes and goes and eventually our loved ones will go as well.
Christmas of 2022…. Just last year my in laws were at my home celebrating with their grandchildren and their ex son in law. It was a little weird at first, but we had a wonderful day. I wish I knew it would have been the last one for PopPop. I would have made beef tenderloin and not a ham. I would have thanked him with a hug and not a handshake.
So that’s the parable of the mixed up booze bags. It might not be as famous as O. Henry’s “Gift of the Magi,” but the lesson is just as valuable.
Let’s roll Chalkheads…. The leftovers fill the fridge and Christmas trees are leaving the lots.
I leave you with one more earworm today. Even though George Michael has been gone for seven years, all you need to do is press the play button and he’s with you….
“Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special.”
