All this craziness in the world centered around chicks with dicks and dudes having menstrual cramps. My craziness, my world is centered smack dab in the middle of the girl’s underwear section at Target.
I’m scrambling around the little girls underwear section. This section has colorful panties with Fairytale Princess castles and goofy cartoon animals.
I don’t think my baby girl fits in these colorful cotton knickers anymore.
Let’s just imagine what’s going through the mind of the minimum wage Target employee right about now?
Here is a big dad in a t-shirt that says, “I Love Hot Moms” holding a package of Garanimals!
“Hi…. Uhm…. Yes….. I ah…. I’m trying to size up my daughters underwear and I’m lost. I think I need to go from girl to woman panties.”
“Okay sir….. how old is your daughter?”
Here is where the world of Bud Light cans disappear.
“Well she’s ten, but she has my rearend.”
As I’m saying this I twist to the side and show the Target lady my large ass.
She immediately takes me over to the women’s underwear section and grabs the underwear that I need.
Before I could thank her she got the fuck out of dodge. She left me standing in my “I love hot moms” shirt in the middle of the bra section.
The world is worried about Dylan tanking Budweiser sales and all I want is to buy Hazel some underwear…
All this happening on the night Jonathon Toews is playing his last game with the Chicago Blackhawks.
….And the kicker!!!!
I’m standing there in the bra aisle and George sends me a text.
“Hey Dad, can you bring home some ice cream?”
The heroes in the world run into burning buildings. They hold the hand of a dying gramma in hospice. They protect the streets from bad guys and they work in the underwear section at Target in Broadview, Illinois.
When Hazel comes home to the Divorced Dad District in Riverside, Illinois she will have an underwear drawer with new panties.
We will look back at this Chalkboard in a few years when Hazel has her first period at the DDD in Riverside. I’ll send George over to Target. He can go get his fucking ice cream and a box of tampons for his sister.
It’s Friday… it’s like summer, but just wait, Monday brings back winter. It’s springtime in Chicagoland!
It’s ex spouse day! Treat them to something special.
Have a beautiful weekend!
