In the years my father had to raise his son he spent most of it teaching and nurturing. Unfortunately there were those times when he had to rebuild me a new asshole.
Yesterday I had to rebuild an asshole for my sixteen year old son.. It’s a little harder for me to do this in the 2020’s than it was for my dad in the 1980’s.
I mouthed off to my dad when I was sixteen and he pushed me into the side of a building and told me I was walking home. After a long walk to the nearest CTA station and two different el trains later I walked in the backdoor just before dinner. There wasn’t a plate for me.
Yesterday afternoon on an unusually cold and windy autumn day I wanted to make my sixteen year old son walk home. He didn’t get slammed into a wall, he didn’t walk from Westchester to Riverside and he had salmon and broccoli for dinner.
You’ve heard me say this before. A father’s job is to replace himself with a better version of himself.
I would’ve liked to slam my mealy mouth son into the side of a building yesterday and whisper in his ear, “enjoy your walk home dipshit,” but that’s not how I want to replace myself. I had to handle this better than my father. The next generation of JumboLove sat in the quiet car ride home and during that 3.5 miles of silence he had his rear end rebuilt for him. That is all that I had to do.
Just silence…. I didn’t even raise my voice at the asshole in front of me that didn’t use a turn signal. I always get bent out of shape when someone doesn't use their directional.
Hopefully my constructive way of fathering will give George less inconsistencies and contradictions in life.
The course of life is a difficult one.
I’ve always wondered if my father was worried about me after he pulled away from the curb and saw me disappear in his rearview mirror. Leaving his son stranded on the Northwest side of Chicago.
It’s tough being the father of a kid on the spectrum. Sometimes you don’t know what you have. Yesterday I got a hug, a “I’m sorry” and a “I love you dad” before bedtime.
Forty years ago my father didn’t get that before bedtime.
