I pitched an unused carton of radishes in the garbage. My son George loves having radishes when he comes over on the weekends. George didn't make the trip to my home and his brother and sister haven't acquired the spicy taste. I was sad seeing the radishes go to waste, but more sad that my son didn't want to see me over the weekend. Same age my dad and I started butting heads. I know of a couple weekends I canceled my trip to see my dad. Now I know how sad it made him.
Years ago my Mom and Dad were going to drive down to Indianapolis for the long weekend to visit her family. My Grampa was excited for the visit and to see his four year old grandson who was named after him. So John Zoellner hung the swing in the cherry tree in his backyard. We ended up not driving down that weekend and Grampa John was very sad. He took the swing down the next week. It was a cold autumn day as his wife looked out the kitchen window... she could see her husband was disappointed. The cherry tree never hung that swing again because Grampa John died a few weeks later.
Gramma was at work at L.S.Ayres and Grampa was raking leaves in the yard. He must have been tired so he put his rake down and went in to take a nap.... He woke up in heaven! I found out years later we didn't go to Indianapolis because my parents marriage was failing. My mom never saw her dad again. My parents divorced years later.
My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on March 6th of 2016. In the weeks after I found out the news I made the trip to Indianapolis many times. I went to comfort my mom and her younger sister. I also went down to finalize her life as we watched her decline quickly. The last weekend of April we were going to drive down to Indianapolis so George, Fritz and Hazel could see Gramma C.C. one more time.
My mom was excited.... she went to the beauty parlor in the nursing home to get her hair pretty for the visit. I was going through a failing marriage and canceled the trip for a useless lifeline to save the relationship..... it was a bad choice! It didn't save the marriage and that next Friday my mom died. My kids and I didn't see Cecilia Marie alive again.... I moved out a year later.
A bunch of radishes, a swing in a cherry tree and a trip to the beauty parlor....what do they have in common? The story of my Grampa and of my Mom popped to mind when the radishes fell into the garbage. We get so worked up in our current problems, but time keeps moving as they become painful memories.
Though the memories of George pouring salt on his bowl of radishes and eating every last one of them. The memories of Grampa pushing me on the swing and taking his cane to whack cherries off the branches. The memories of impatiently waiting for my mommy at the beauty salon and then going for a treat afterwards.... THOSE are the memories that need to be thought of first.... its all connected..... it all happens so quickly..... its not the corners of my mind that needs light, but the pain in my heart...
