Jive Turkey hasn’t been around for the last couple Thanksgiving Chalkboards.
Mr. Jive Turkey is the subtle reminder not to be a jagoff on Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving through the years has gathered a collective memory from all the Thanksgivings from the past.
All of the parades, the TurkeyBowls, the green bean casseroles, the conversations, the turkey carvings, the leftovers and the pumpkin pies have all blurred together into Thanksgiving past.
Except…….
Nobody can remember what year they twisted their knee catching a pass or what year the dog grabbed a turkey leg off the counter…
Butt…..
Everyone remembers that it was 1974 when Aunt Gladys was mouthing off about Nixon. Everyone remembers Uncle Clyde throwing the chip bowl at the television when the Lions scored 55 points on the Bears in 1997.
Everyone remembers the Jive Turkey on Thanksgiving.
Nobody cares that Kamala is an idiot. Nobody cares that Trump is putting a tariff on the world. Nobody cares if Pritzker is running for President in 2028. Nobody cares if you think the turkey is dry or the pie tastes to cinamminy…
Watch the Bear game and cheer when they score and boo when they fumble. Nobody cares what kind of offensive scheme YOU would run if you coached the Bears. You coached the fourth-grade receivers at Saint Basils for one season. That is all the coaching experience that you have.
Put a lid on it Coach Lombardi!
Cousin Martha’s mashed potatoes are lumpy again this year. What do you expect, they have been lumpy since 2003?!?!
Repeat after me, “Martha! You’ve outdone yourself again this year! The buttery texture and the hint of garlic amazes me every Thanksgiving!”
Complement your cousin Martha every year and eventually it will turn into a collection of Thanksgiving memories. Memories that made Martha happy and make you her favorite cousin.
Unlike in 2017 when your Uncle Bobby told his daughter the mashed potatoes had clumps of marshmallows in them. That was a jagoff thing to say.
Enjoy the company and the love of family and friends today. Let’s leave the Jive Turkey on the Morning Chalkboard.
I wish that I could shake your hand today. I wish I could high five you today. I wish that I could do the Covid Elbow with you today. I wish that I could chest bump with you today. I wish I could hug you today. I wish that I could hold you and kiss your cheek today.
Sometimes Thanksgivings are about those that aren’t standing in front of the television set or sitting at the dining room table. Those who might not have been able to make the trip from the coast and those who left for heaven and will never eat Cousin Martha’s lumpy mashed potatoes ever again.
Hug them if you got them. Remember them fondly if you don’t.
Happy Thanksgiving Chalkheads
