A rainy
Sunday morning followed by a cloudy, humid afternoon.
I am not sure it is perfect
weather for toasting marshmallows, but today is Toasted Marshmallow Day, so we work with what we have.
Recently, I chalked about
being a latchkey kid like so many of us Gen Xers. I also chalked about how,
when I was a little boy, whenever I tried something for the first time, I
didn’t say I tried it. I said I invented it.
Well, I remember the day I invented
toasting marshmallows over the stove.
I was living in my first apartment in Oak Park. I bought a bag of jumbo
marshmallows at the Jewels up the block and carried them back to my little apartment.
When I moved out, my parents
had used the occasion to clean out their kitchen drawers, so among my new
possessions was an old roasting fork.
Perfect. I stuck a marshmallow on the end of it, turned up the gas
burner and started roasting.
I toasted about half a dozen, sat down in
front of the television I had just bought at Polk Brothers, cracked open an Old
Style, and watched the Sox game.
It was pretty damn good. I
was living the dream.
The caramelized sugar and
gooey softness of a toasted marshmallow went surprisingly well with the
kraeusened-water-brewed pilsner.
At least the first
few did.
After about a six-pack and a
dozen marshmallows, I discovered something else I had not thought about when I
moved into my first apartment.
I needed Alka-Seltzer.
I couldn't just walk over to
my Oldman's medicine cabinet anymore and grab a couple. There are certain
moments when you realize you are truly on your own.
That was one of mine.
So, enjoy the down day the
weather has given us on this last Sunday of August 2026.
August is leaving us hot and
humid, dragging September through the door wearing the same damn clothes.
Fortunately, my Oldman had
the foresight to throw a bottle of Gold
Bond into that box of kitchen appliances and assorted crap he gave me
when I moved across town.
I have had that magical
powder in every bathroom cabinet I have owned since that first apartment many
years ago.
Some lessons from your
Oldman take a while to appreciate. Others become apparent the first humid day
of September.
So, Gold Bond up this week, you gorgeous
Chalkheads.
Keep your nooks and crannies dry
and unchaffed.
…And
if you are going to invent toasted marshmallows over the stove, stop before the
second six-pack.
