Time is limited and that is the plain truth. The older I get, the more I realize that the clock never slows down for anyone...
... and yet somewhere inside me there is still a kid who hasn’t quite grown up.
I can still hear my mom’s voice in the kitchen telling me to grow up. I can hear my grandma saying that I need to become a man real fast. I can see my old man throwing his arms up in the air asking if I’m ever going to get my shit together.
I’m not sure I ever gave them the answer they were looking for.
There have been moments in my life where that question hung in the air longer than it should have. Hard lessons that come when I realize that I might be the problem in my own story.
Sometimes the safest way to look grown up is simply to be alone. I was a latchkey kid. I learned independence early, but independence isn’t the same thing as maturity. These days I’m not sure I’m growing up as much as I’m just growing older. The people who used to yell at me for doing stupid things aren’t here anymore.
That silence can be a strange teacher.
Today's quote talks about chasing a runaway bus, always running, always trying to catch something that’s already leaving the station. Maybe that has been my problem. Running instead of standing still and facing life.
Routine can make it look like I have my act together. Some days I still feel like the kid outside the school auditorium after play rehearsal, waiting for my mom to pull up and take me home.
I still worry about getting carded. I still think I'm the new clerk in the ten-year pit. I’m still looking for a new hobby. I'm still wondering if I'm dreaming and when I wake up it is 1978.
Maybe growing up isn’t a destination. Maybe it’s just the willingness to stop running.
Either way, today is another Friday the 13th, and it’s Saint Patrick’s Day weekend.
Avoid Jason tonight.
Enjoy the Irish rovers tomorrow.
