You would think that I would relish in all the activities the first day of April will bring….
…I do not!
From the fake snakes and plastic mice to the disappearing toilet paper in all the crappers.
It all went downhill in the mid 1990’s when I bit into a McDonalds cheeseburger that had a Tampax between the bun and the burger.
I was standing in the trading pit. We sent the trade checker over to grab twenty-five cheeseburgers. Two of them were boobie trapped with tampons. Mike Joubert and I were the foolish souls to get handed the trapped sandwiches.
Mike embarrassingly laughed it off. I flung my burger back at the douchebag that set me up.
Fuck April Fools’ Day and all the bullshit that’s about to occur in the next twelve hours.
It will be all shits and giggles from television reporters to politicians.
And yeah, I’m guilty for stupid pranks during my life. I sure hope I don’t have to go to purgatory for the shark fins, gum traps and twenty dollar bills attached to fishing line. I could burn in hell for the many times the CBOT phone operator paged Michael Hunt or Phil McCrevis.
I forgot…. People that never worked on a trading floor don’t know what a "shark fin" is.
You take a trading card and rip an angle on it to represent a shark fin. Then you fold the straight end and tear the fold halfway. The tear and fold enables you to place it under the collar of a trading jacket just below the nape of the victim's neck.
It usually happens to the kid on his first day working on the trading floor. One guy shakes his hand and welcomes him to the Chicago Board of Trade while the other guy places the fin onto the victims brand new trading jacket.
When the new guy walks away, the entire floor starts warning everyone to get out of the water. Some guys scream out “Shark.” Some guys start acting out the old SNL skit “Landshark.”
"Shark.... Get out of the water!"
"Get out of the water, there is a shark! Shark!"
Finally a grown up, usually a female who despises the immaturity around her, pulls the shark fin off of the victim's back and hands it to him. She then welcomes him to the Chicago Board of Trade and warns him to get used to all the bullshit and assclowns.
Happy April Fucking Fools Day…
Today, I’m celebrating sourdough bread day. I have told you Chalkheads that I’ve met a lovely baker that makes incredible sourdough bread?
Let me know and I’ll hook you up.
Try and take today with a grain of salt. Most of these pranks today will be harmless, but beware of the loosely wrapped McDonalds Cheeseburger….
…hopefully today’s quote will leave you earwormed.
