April 5th, 2025

I woke up again on the couch and the first thing I thought about was my dad. I wondered if he ever took me to a movie that he thought was shitty.

He took me to that Robin Hood movie in 1974 that was a cartoon. All the characters were different animals. Robin Hood was a fox. Little John was a bear. Prince John was a tiger and the whole story was narrated by a rooster.

I loved it, but looking back, my Oldman must have been dying to get out of the theater and light a cigarette.

Five years later he took me to another stupid movie called “The Black Hole.” It came out during the Star Wars craze. It was Disney’s answer to C-3PO and R2D2. I’m sure the ice cream cone at Petersen’s in Oak Park was more enjoyable for my dad after two hours watching another horseshit movie.

My dad did take me to “Stripes” when I was in high school. After the movie he asked me if I liked the girl’s boobs at the beginning. Bill Murray’s girlfriend who was moving out and breaking up with him.

It was the first time my dad and I talked about tits together.

The last show that my dad and I went and saw at the movies was “Field of Dreams.” He cried at the end and apologized to me on the way home for not playing catch with me more often.

Now I cry every time I see that movie, thinking about my Oldman crying in the Dadillac. We ended up going to Goldy Burgers after the show and having beers and cheeseburgers together.

Yesterday, I took a day off. Something I rarely do. I went to the show with Hazel and Fritz on their last day of Spring Break. They kind of got fucked this year because Hazel was sick at the beginning and their lovely mother ended up in the hospital.

The highlight of their Spring Break ‘25 is going to see “MindCraft” with their Oldman and then going to Parky’s afterwards.

I learned after all of these years that it’s actually called “MineCraft.” Whatever it’s called, it is taking kids off of playgrounds and jamming them into dark fucking basements.

The movie sucked… I hate Jack Black and Stifler’s mom is in it. She’s playing Stifler’s mom once again. It was a great roll twenty-five years ago. Not so much today.

…And Jack Black played himself once again. All it needed was Adam Sandler playing one of his stupid characters.

Johnny Harrigan told me the week before I met my son George,

“Jumbo…. Get ready to watch movies with talking animals, talking cars, talking toasters, lollipop bushes and dysfunctional royal families played by robots. This is your destiny for the next fifteen years.”

Johnny Harrigan was spot on!

I know Hazel and Fritz had a good time. Big cups of pop, huge buckets of popcorn and two hours of building stuff out of big blocks. All I enjoyed yesterday was the pepper and egg sandwich at my favorite hotdog stand.

It is going to be a dreary and cold Saturday in Chicagoland. Go take the kids to a shitty movie and make memories that will forever outlive your agony….

Today is rugby day…. My Chicago Blaze are down in Indy and my Chicago Hounds are out in San Diego.

Play well Gentlemen

April 4th, 2025

 I have three friends going through chemo. I have another with a bad ticker. My work wife’s wife is in the hospital. I have a friend whose mom just had a stroke and some buddies dealing with putting their mom in assisted living.

…and I was going to bitch and moan because I slept on the couch last night!

My Hazel Marie slept on my bed last night because my ex of a twat wife has found herself back in the hospital.

As much as I hate her, I still have a flicker of love in my heart that makes me worry.

That damn marriage vow about sickness until death do us part….

…somehow didn’t make it in our divorce papers.

Life is fragile….

I gotta figure out why I’m taking a personal day because the one person who brings grief into my life is in a hospital bed?

Oh, I just remembered.

Because she did give me three gifts of love and instead of buying low and selling high today….

…I’m making pancakes and going to a fucking Mindcraft movie.

I’m done bitching and moaning!

Time to go pray for the people I mentioned in the first paragraph.

Google A-84, interesting story that I was going to originally chalk about. Also, think about MLK today.

Tits Up Chalkheads.

April 3rd, 2025

 I will leave you to ponder a little Dr. Seuss this morning and hope everyone in the Midwest made it through the storms.

Today is national Burrito Day. What is your favorite burrito joint?

April 2nd, 2025

 April never gets the respect that it possibly deserves. It is the month that we usually wipe our feet from the winter slop, but can’t hold our breath just yet. It is the month that teases us with a taste of what lies ahead and then rips our hopes with a kick of a winter’s dread.

April was once the month when we’d head to the ballpark for Opening Day. Greed has moved the first pitch well into March nowadays.

On the flip side, the NCAA Tournament would conclude by March 31st. That is why it is called “March Madness.” Nowadays the nets are cut down well into April.

Most of the time we are done binge watching television programs by April 1st. Nobody wants to stay in and watch TV when there is daylight until seven thirty at night.

I’ve decided to rewatch “Ted Lasso” again. After a long dreary winter filled with war and politics; I am going back to the last television series that left me with that feel good sensation.

I haven’t watched the evening news on a regular basis for some time now. The only highlight lately has been the weather girl’s skirt length. Everything else has been muddled by local teams in last place and dirty politics.

The month has finally arrived to watch the grass turn green. Soon the trees will explode with leaves and the bushes with flowering sensations.

I miss dandelions.

So many lawns are drenched with poison to kill weeds that also sweep out the little yellow treasures.

Kids today don’t have the pleasure of bringing their mommy a bouquet of dandelions from the front yard.

Dandelions, butterflies and lightning bugs have all dwindled away and have been replaced with twenty-four hour news stations.

Yeah!?!?!?

April showers bring May flowers and coincidentally the hard morning winds have just brought raindrops pelting against my bedroom window.

Time to tackle the middle of the week and slide into the first weekend of the month.

I woke up to the news of Val Kilmer passing away.

Don’t worry….. I’ll be your Huckleberry.

April 1st, 2025

 You would think that I would relish in all the activities the first day of April will bring….

…I do not!

From the fake snakes and plastic mice to the disappearing toilet paper in all the crappers.

It all went downhill in the mid 1990’s when I bit into a McDonalds cheeseburger that had a Tampax between the bun and the burger.

I was standing in the trading pit. We sent the trade checker over to grab twenty-five cheeseburgers. Two of them were boobie trapped with tampons. Mike Joubert and I were the foolish souls to get handed the trapped sandwiches.

Mike embarrassingly laughed it off. I flung my burger back at the douchebag that set me up.

Fuck April Fools’ Day and all the bullshit that’s about to occur in the next twelve hours.

It will be all shits and giggles from television reporters to politicians.

And yeah, I’m guilty for stupid pranks during my life. I sure hope I don’t have to go to purgatory for the shark fins, gum traps and twenty dollar bills attached to fishing line. I could burn in hell for the many times the CBOT phone operator paged Michael Hunt or Phil McCrevis.

I forgot…. People that never worked on a trading floor don’t know what a "shark fin" is.

You take a trading card and rip an angle on it to represent a shark fin. Then you fold the straight end and tear the fold halfway. The tear and fold enables you to place it under the collar of a trading jacket just below the nape of the victim's neck.

It usually happens to the kid on his first day working on the trading floor. One guy shakes his hand and welcomes him to the Chicago Board of Trade while the other guy places the fin onto the victims brand new trading jacket.

When the new guy walks away, the entire floor starts warning everyone to get out of the water. Some guys scream out “Shark.” Some guys start acting out the old SNL skit “Landshark.”

"Shark.... Get out of the water!"

"Get out of the water, there is a shark! Shark!"

Finally a grown up, usually a female who despises the immaturity around her, pulls the shark fin off of the victim's back and hands it to him. She then welcomes him to the Chicago Board of Trade and warns him to get used to all the bullshit and assclowns.

Happy April Fucking Fools Day…

Today, I’m celebrating sourdough bread day. I have told you Chalkheads that I’ve met a lovely baker that makes incredible sourdough bread?

Let me know and I’ll hook you up.

Try and take today with a grain of salt. Most of these pranks today will be harmless, but beware of the loosely wrapped McDonalds Cheeseburger….

…hopefully today’s quote will leave you earwormed.

March 31st, 2025

 When it is all said and done, I’m not going to remember March of twenty-five fondly.

I am going to blame the portal between the eclipses for the negativity and bad ju-ju.

Let’s get this somabitch over with and flip the calendar on the kitchen wall.

I’m going to go listen to the breeze on an early Monday morning. It might blow in the answer to that million dollar question.

Stay Gold Ponyboy….