"I am out with lanterns looking for myself..."
Emily Dickinson
I started the week with an unexpected jolt this morning. It had nothing to do with the grain markets, the Chicago Bears, or the price of gasoline. I didn’t have a Sunday night sleepover guest either.
It involved Vicks VapoRub, Little Willie, and a lapse in judgment.
After my morning shower, I rubbed a dab of Vicks across my chest. Something to open the pipes and get the old engine running.
As I walked out of the bathroom, I gave Little Willie his customary morning adjustment. A little tug on the knob and foreskin to make sure everything was situated comfortably.
Unfortunately, I used the same hand that had just been spreading menthol across my sternum.
Houston, we have a problem.
There are certain sensations a man experiences in his lifetime that require no explanation. Getting smashed in the nuts with a baseball is one. Discovering the toilet seat is up in the middle of the night is another.
Then there is introducing Vicks VapoRub to a part of the anatomy that was never intended to experience the refreshing sensation of eucalyptus.
Little Willie was wide awake and so was his commanding officer.
I briefly considered calling the fire department, but I figured explaining the circumstances to the Riverside boys would only make matters worse.
I had to get dressed and drive to work. This is a Don Shepley example of lowering your shoulders, bowing your neck and pushing through.
Which brings me to Emily Dickinson.
Today's chalkboard quote reads, "I am out with lanterns looking for myself..."
Here we have a woman searching for herself with a lantern, as though the answers to life's mysteries might be hiding somewhere in the darkness.
At my age, I am starting to understand it a little better.
We spend our youth looking for success, approval, love, money, and some reasonable explanation for why life never quite follows the directions.
Eventually, the search becomes something different.
We start looking for ourselves. Not the person we were supposed to become. Not the guy everyone else expected us to be. Just the person who remains after years of mistakes, victories, disappointments, and lessons learned.
The Grabber section today brings us a New Moon.
The moon has disappeared from our evening sky, beginning another journey toward fullness.
There is something refreshing about that. Even the heavens go dark before starting over.
Perhaps Dickinson's lantern wasn't meant to illuminate the entire road. Perhaps it was meant to show her the next few steps.
That's enough for me. Show me the next few steps. Just make sure those next few steps don’t have a eucalyptus burn to me my Schwantz.
At this stage of life, I don't need that kind of wake up call. I just need enough light to keep moving, enough faith to trust the road, and enough humor to survive the occasional indignity of growing older.
And a little more common sense in the bathroom.
The New Moon offers us another beginning. Little Willie would probably prefer a fresh start himself.
Have a wonderful Monday, everybody.
Keep your lantern burning, your sense of humor intact, and for fuck’s sake, wash your hands after applying Vicks.
